Joke Mo I Share Mo...

First topic message reminder :

Mga Kafatid share naman jokes, ok lang yun kinopya from other sites basta maghahatid nang kaligayahan sa ating lahat...

si juan ngpatingn sa doktor..

Dr: ano problema?
Juan: pakichek nga po itong ari ko
Dr: ok hubo para makita ko..

...nang makita ng doktor,napatawa ng malakas.dahil singlaki lng ito ng AAA na battery.

Juan: asan po ang code of ethics nyo? Di dapat pagtawanan ang kapansanan ng isang pasyente.

Dr: ahem (tried to recover). sori d na mauulit. ano nga b ulet ang problema?








Juan: eto nga po. Namamaga!!

PAG BAHENG Q SABAY UTOT..


joke na ba yon?

50 Things To Do In An Elevator

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.

2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your Kleenex to other passengers.

3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!

4. Whistle the first seven notes of It's a Small World incessantly.

5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.

6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.

7. Shave.

8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: Got enough air in there?

9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: Noogie patrol coming!

13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

14. Censored by your son.

15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go plink at the bottom.

16. Do Tai Chi exercises.

17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: I've got new socks on!

18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!

19. Give religious tracts to each passenger.

20. Meow occasionally.

21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

22. Frown and mutter gotta go, gotta go then sigh and say oops!

23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

24. Sing Mary had a little lamb while continually pushing buttons.

25. Holler Chutes away! whenever the elevator descends.

26. Walk on with a cooler that says human head on the side.

27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce You're one of THEM! and move to the far corner of the elevator.

28. Burp, and then say mmmm...tasty!

29. Leave a box between the doors.

30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.

31. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers through it.

32. Start a sing-along.

33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask is that your beeper?

34. Play the harmonica.

35. Shadow box.

36. Say Ding! at each floor.

37. Lean against the button panel.

38. Say I wonder what all these do and push the red buttons.

39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your personal space.

41. Bring a chair along.

42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: Wanna see wha in muh mouf?

43. Blow spit bubbles.

44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.

45. Announce in a demonic voice: I must find a more suitable host body.

46. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

48. Wear X-Ray Specs and leer suggestively at other passengers.

49. Stare at your thumb and say I think it's getting larger.

50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler Bad touch!

papa pen ang haba nito ah....

me mag-asawa at sobrang yaman nila.. meron silang nag-iisang anak na lalaki kaya mahal na mahal nila ito at lahat ng luho binibigay sa kanya...nun 3yrs. old na ang bata at malapit na birthday nya.. sabi ng nanay at tatay: anak ano gsto mo na regalo ngaun kaarawan mo? anak: tay nay pink na table po! dumating ang kaarawan ng bata at inabutan siya ng regalo ng kanyang nanay at tatay.. ang regalo isang mamahalin na bisikleta... di natupad ang gusto ng bata na pink table.... muli dumating uli ang ikalimang kaarawan ng bata at tinanong uli siya ng kanyang magulang kung ano gsto na regalo.. muli sinabi ng bata na pink na table.. niregaluhan siya pero di pink na table kundi isang rolex na relo.. muli d natupad ang hiling ng bata.. nagbinata na cia at dumating ang ika 18 niyang kaarawan.. sabi ng nanay at tatay: anak ano gsto mo na regalo? Anak: tay pink na table po un lang... muli niregaluhan siya pero di pink na table kundi isang mamahaling sasakyan... di kumibo ang anak... lumipas ang mga taon grumadweyt na cia muli tinanong cia ng magulang: anak ano gsto mo na regalo? Anak: tay pink na table po un lng an tagal ko ng hinihingi. muli niregaluhan siya pero di pink na table kundi isang mansion... nalungkot uli ang anak na lalaki... dumating ang panahon at nag-asawa na ang lalaki... nanay at tatay: ngaun me asawa ka na anak ano gsto mo na regalo? Anak: tay pink na table po... muli ang niregalo sa kanya ay isang malaking TV na flat screen worth 500k.. d uli natupad ang hiling ng anak nila na pink na table... lumipas ang nagdaan na taon namatay na ang kanyang magulang na di man lang naibigay ang kanyang regalo.. meron na rin siyang mga anak... dumating ang ika 50 niya kaarawan at tinanong siya ng kanyang asawa kung ano gsto nia na regalo.. muli ay sinabi niya na pink na table.. niregaluhan siya ng kanyang asawa.... pero ang niregalo sa kanya ay isang kwintas na ginto... nag-asawa na ang mga anak ng lalaki at tumanda na siya na di pa rin natutupad ang kanyang hiling...nagkaroon na rin siya ng mga apo... naospital ang lalaki at naratay cia.... dumating ang araw na malapit na mamatay ang lalaki... tinanong siya ng kanyang mga anak kung bakit gustong gusto niya na regaluhan siya ng pink na table... sumagot ang lalaki: alam nio mga anak gusto ko kasi ang pink na table na iregalo dahil sa.... nalagutan na ng hininga ang matanda...

Hello?"

"Hi honey.


This is Daddy.
Is Mommy near the phone?"


"No Daddy.
She's upstairs in the bedroom
with Uncle Paul."


After a brief pause,


Daddy says,
"But honey,

you haven't got

an Uncle Paul."

"Oh yes I do,
and he's upstairs in the room

with Mommy,

right now."

Brief Pause.

"Uh, okay then,
this is what I want you to do.
Put the phone
down on the table,
run upstairs

and knock on the bedroom door

and shout to Mommy

that Daddy's car

just pulled into the driveway."


"Okay Daddy,
just a minute."

A few minutes later
the little girl comes back to the phone.

"I did it Daddy."


"And what happened honey?"

"Well, Mommy got all scared,
jumped out of bed
with no clothes on
and ran around screaming.

Then she tripped over the rug,
hit her head on the dresser
and now she isn't moving at all!"


"Oh my God!!!
What about your Uncle Paul?"




"He jumped out of the bed
with no clothes on, too.
He was all scared
and he jumped out of the back window
and into the swimming pool.
But I guess he didn't know
that you took out the water
last week to clean it.

He hit the bottomof the pool
and I think he's dead."
***Long Pause

***Longer Pause***



***Even Longer Pause***

Then Daddy says,
"Swimming pool?

Is this
486-5731?"

sang araw habang nanunuod ako tumabi sakin ang lola ko...

ang haba ng buhok at itim na itim ang damit parang malungkot at may hawak na kutsilyo...
KINABAHAN ako.....
nag-isip ako....

nagsalita sya....

sabe......

"apo, bagay ba sakin ang EMO?"

Isang gabi, sumakay ako ng jeep,

Lahat ng pasehero nakatitig sakin.

Walang umiimik.. Sinubukan ko magbayad pero di nila inaabot ang pera ko.

Kinilabutan ako.

May isang matandang bumulong sakin,

"Hindi kana dapat naparito. Umalis kana habang kaya mo pa."

Napalunok ako, "Ano hong ibig nyo sabihin?"


"INARIKILA NAMIN
TOH, T@NGA!"

May isang ina na nagsilang ng pagkapanget na sanggol....

Ina: Isa siyang kayamanan!!

Ama: Oo nga!!...



Ibaon natin!!

^winner

astig nang jokes..!hahahaha

lalaki 1: pare ang hirap pala maging pogi
lalaki 2: oo nga pare , BUTI DI MO MARARANASAN

ina: anak, magaling ka daw sa math sabi ng teacher
anak: opo nanay
ina: kunwari binigyan kita ng walong mansanas at tatlong pinya .anong sagot mo?
anak: THANK YOU PO!!!!

green joke, hehe...



JUAN: Pre, ano sa ingles ang mani!??

JOSE: Eh di peanut!! Ang dali naman nyan, sige kung magaling ka, ano sa german yung mani??

JUAN: Di ko alam eh, pero SA LATIN alam ko yan...

Isang araw merong baklitang sumakay ng JEEP!!!
Vrooom !!!
magisa lng sya sa Jeep...
BAKLA: manong bayad po oh!!!
DRIVER: ilan to??
BAKLA: dalawa dalawa!! isa malamang ibayad kita kaloka!!!

at nung baba na sya...
BAKLA: manong para po!!!
DRIVER: sa tabi lng?!
BAKLA: HINDE SA GITNA!!!!!!!!

hahahaha!!!!!!!!!

^parang vice ganda lang a.

BUNUHAY KO TO NA MIMISS KO NA KC C MOMMY KORN EH...

@sir sehd-ayos nang joke mo sir sehd panalo..!una ndi ko ma gets eh tapos nakita ko yung naka kapital letters ayun na intindihan ko na..!hahaha

^hahaha . natawa ako dito . grabe . panalo !

69
GIRL:mag-69 tayo dear !
BOY:pano yun?
GIRL:ganito lang...
(pmwesto n cla at bglang nautot ang girl ng 4 times):
BOY:ayoko na!DI KO N KYA UNG NATITIRANG 65!!

Kumain sa isang sosyal na restaurant sina Erap at FVR. ‘Give me Swiss Steak and French Fries’ order ni FVR sa ingles.
‘And you Sir? tanong ng waiter.
‘The same, Give me sweepstake and first prize, too’ sagot ni Erap.

ang pogi pogi nyong lahat!!!!!!

DAD buys a lie detector robot who slaps when you lie...
(he tested it during dinner)

Dad: where have you been my son?
Son: I was in School (slap!)
Son: ok i was in the movie theatre...
Dad: what did you watched?
Son: Toy Story (slap!)
Son: ok! i watched porn!!
Dad: Porn?! when i was your age i didn't even knew what porn was.. (slap!!)
Mom: Dear, please forgive him, after all He is your son (robot slaps mom!!!)


hahaha..

USAPANG DORM:

Juan: pare ganda ng panaginip q kgabi, dinilaan q ung gitna ng boobs ni angel locsin!

pedro: Hayop ka! kaya pala basa ung pwet q pg gising q.